There are some simple things you can do to improve your politeness and manners, even if you’re not in your comfort zone. There are times you may wish to be polite to someone who doesn’t share your culture, and that is itself a kind instinct. So here are some tips on how to do that.

Understand the other culture as best you can

If you’re in a new place with a new culture, whether that’s a new country or your in-laws’ house down the road, the most helpful thing is to try to understand the familiar customs and traditions of these folks. If you’re not familiar with their religion, for example, try learning a bit about it. Religion and personal beliefs can really shape the things we consider polite (as we saw in the example with Muna and Stewart). Speak with a friendly person in your life who is part of the group you’re learning about. Often, people really love to tell you about their culture and beliefs, and these will help you understand what’s important in that group and what words and actions will help to support those ideas.

Try asking questions like:

• What is the appropriate way to greet new people in your culture?
• How do you express respect for authority?
• Do you use words like please and thank you, or is there another way to express gratitude and humility?
• Is there anything that foreigners commonly do that is offensive, so that I can avoid those behaviours?

Often, it goes a long way to simply try your best to understand where someone else is coming from.

Communicate openly when mistakes happen

Normally, what happens when a group’s custom is broken is that the group feels jarred, or perhaps even unsafe. They’re going about their life and everything is going well, and then there’s a bump in the road. Most folks just want to feel like everything is comfortable and normal (according to their definition of normal). When they don’t feel that way, you may seem like a threat to their comfort or even a threat to their safety.

If you’ve done something that has broken a custom, try to communicate openly and honestly about it. Tell the offended party that you made a mistake and you’re sorry. If appropriate and true, tell them that you won’t do it again because you’re still learning, but now you know better. Express to them that their comfort is important to you, and that you want to learn how to behave so that nobody feels uncomfortable.

This kind of communication is usually enough to reassure someone that it was an honest mistake, and you’re not there to make anyone uncomfortable. Often even after a mistake, the offended party will be happy to give you the benefit of the doubt if they see that you continue to try your best.